Okay, this is not the post for today because I have too many I want to write this week; so this is a bonus from yesterday rather than a new one for today. Okay?
And you may get further if you read yesterday’s first.
Okay, a woman just wrote that she had lost a baby years ago and that she worried something awful about her. And that now she feels peace, that the child has just what she needs with the family she is now with six years later.
And it hit me that this is exactly why I do not have peace! I simply do not trust the people who have my baby to do what is right by her. How could I? They already have proven they won’t put her needs ahead of all else!
BTW, this is just the opposite of what happened with my three. The aunt and grandmother for my three could have fought for the children. They likely would have won as the “concerns” were not legally significant. But they saw how much they were loved and cared for. They saw that they were getting their developmental needs met. They saw that they were getting the opportunity to live life. They saw that we were willing to do WHATEVER to help them emotionally, mentally, socially. They saw that we valued education. They saw they looked healthier. They were happy they were doing so well.
So they backed out and let us be a family. It was so incredibly hard for them. But we had already given the children so much and could give them forever. And they put the children’s needs rather than some idea of “blood” and “they’re mine” and selfish desires in the forefront of their thinking.
These people were much further removed than my three’s aunt and grandmother. They also had never met her before, much less had a relationship with her. They didn’t even have a relationship with her biomom. And when they heard what all we had done, nothing. When they saw how much we adored her, nothing. When they knew how much it would hurt her, nothing. Nothing was going to deter them from getting this freebie daughter no matter what it did to HER in the process.
On top of that, they are doing things known to exasperate attachment issues though they were warned ahead of time that those things were problematic. Though they were asked to learn more about attachment. Though they went through classes that at least touched on attachment issues. Though they had spoken with the bio-grandmother who had raised Sweet Little M’s mom who had attachment disorder (adopted as an older child). But they still just do whatever they want to do rather than what is best for M.
So how am I supposed to trust them? They’ve proven over and over and over for the last year that none of this is about M.
I will say that I do have the slightest amount of hope through all my fears (and there are even more than listed on my blog so far). I know that their love for her grew over the 14 months they waited to get her in their home. And no doubt, some of that has grown even more in the 5 months they’ve had her with them. Also, they DO seem like good people in general from everything I can tell. I even LIKED them as we were texting, skyping, visiting, etc. So my hope is that their love outweighs their imperfection at some point and they really DO help my sweet baby heal and thrive.
But based on their track record, I cannot trust them to do it so I get no peace about it now.
Oh, except one thing. As I struggle with all this, I have my faith in God. I don’t believe like so many others want to that God is controlling and perpetrating all these bad things on people. However, I do believe that he can work with and fix anything we mere humans throw at him!