So this has been a particularly bad week for me. I have been so worried and upset, downright depressed. I miss my baby and fear for her being okay with every ounce of my being.
Raising kids with attachment issues, that isn’t going to go away. I know how this works. Plainly, my kids are beautiful and awesome and fun and wonderful; but not everything is as great as it can look when you’re posting about an accomplishment or a trip or whatever. With one child these days, much of the day is absolutely awful; but I can still get a handful of good picture regularly also. No doubt Sweet Little M’s grandparents have nice pictures of their daughter, M’s biomom, also, despite that she had and still has severe issues.
BUT, up until last night, I didn’t have a great picture of Sweet Little M in her new family. The pictures were cute; but in none of them, did her personality show through. None of them had HER smile.
Thankfully, last night, that changed. Several pictures with her enjoying the activity she was doing were sent along with a very basic update.
I don’t know that anyone could understand what these mean to me. Though I will always be angry and worried for Sweet Little M, I need to know that she is at least EVER okay. I’m assuming that these people are sending me some of the best pictures they have of her. Why would you not especially if you’re trying to convince someone that all is okay? So by them sending pictures of her “just there” or whatever, I just worried so incredibly much. So whether her smile is just because she was doing something cool or is because her personality is showing through much of the time, I may not know; but her being ABLE to smile big or make a silly face is very important, imo.
Never will I be okay with what the system or these people (who, again, I generally think are great people) did to her. Sweet Little M has been through way too much in her little life; and THIS shouldn’t have happened to her even if it does work out okay for her.
But for today, I’m going to be thankful she has at least some good times.