Well, I finally got a decent update about Sweet Little M. 4 weeks ago, Little M was taken across the country by fictive kin she only knew as I encouraged skyping while awaiting legal proceedings, their foster care classes, etc. Little M had her longest and healthiest bond with our entire family broken unnecessarily. I simply cannot make sense of this. It obviously wasn’t in her best interest to be with them rather than us. So why do it? Well, of course, I now know about things like kickbacks, statistics, the state saving money. Forget the kid, right?
Anyway, so I’m definitely grieving. I admit that. It hurts terribly to lose a child you were led to believe you may be able to keep (even though there was other information to the contrary also). I’m bitter. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m scared for my baby now and for her future. I miss her so incredibly much. It hurts so much to see my hubby cry over her, to hear my children ordering the state she is in to put her on a plane back to us, etc.
Over the past four weeks, I have received almost no information and only three pictures. No smiles. No anecdotes. No videos. No skyping. No details or stories. Just a vague, “she’s adjusting well” with a few bits of information that suggested otherwise.
But I have news. K wrote a semi-detailed email of a decent length. It gave a little bit of information about how things have gone over the past month, how she was adjusting, how she is doing now, etc. There were details that helped.
I came to two conclusions when I read the email. First, the chances that these people are disrupting placement are pretty darn slim. Second, Little M is at least making some progress for now. I hope pictures are forthcoming, maybe at least a couple that include a smile to show she ever does? But I could believe one particular story. It was so her. And that made me feel a little better.
I will worry about Sweet Little M forever more (and I do know that as I still worry about another child from 16 years ago). I really hope that she can overcome this situation and live a happy, healthy, productive life. No matter what, she has a family of seven in Texas who loves here dearly and always will.
I know the above still sounds a bit “crazed” with sadness, anger, fear. I do have a good bit of that still. But….but something is different. Maybe some acceptance of what I cannot change?