OB: How a foster child may feel

Paty blogged about the exercise her PRIDE class did about loss here.

We did a similar exercise and most of us threw a fit when they told us to remove our faith.  Though SOME people lose faith when life is in crisis, especially to the degree of this crisis, others gain faith.  Some of us are determined to be like Job who lost just about everything a man could lose other than his life itself!

Anyway, we also did a different exercise for the loss and it too was powerful.

There is a page in the PRIDE materials where we were to write what we, as individuals, planned to do the next day.  We also put who we would be doing those things with.  I had a pretty full day that next Wednesday and actually had many family and friends involved.  Then you write what you’d be doing a year from now and with whom.  I figured my day would be pretty similar but I’d probably have one to three foster/adopt children with me also.  Then we added what we would be doing five years from now and with whom.  I was sure by then we probably would have adopted, but the day would probably be the same as Wednesdays are pretty set.

Then the instructors told us to tear the page.  Oh my goodness!  We all threw a FIT!  There was writing on the other side of the page.  We like our work and books to be neat.  We just kept carrying on.  The instructors were taken aback, I think, by the sheer forcefulness of our arguments, but they stood firm. It *had* to be done!

FINE then.  I tore mine across the middle of the page so it would still hook into the binder.  However, because I didn’t take it out of the binder to do it, it was quite jagged of a tear.  My hubby folded his neatly and tore it down the middle lengthwise. Another person tore his, crumpled it and threw it at the instructor!

Isn’t that how a foster child does?  They’ve been RIPPED from their home (or one placement or another).  They no longer will be doing what they planned tonight or tomorrow and it won’t likely be with whom they planned to do it.  Some will resign and just follow what they’re told like my husband did.  They will try not to let it hurt them too deeply.  Others will try to make it work for them like I did but it’ll still hurt like jagged edges.  Some will carry on something awful, even throwing things!

We really played into this, without meaning to, very well!

They passed around the tape.  We all taped together our papers.  Some looked better than others.  All were readable and could be put back in the binder.  But they all faired a little differently.  My hubby’s “scar” is barely noticeable.  Mine is much more so.  The flattened out crumpled pages with scars too obviously faired less well.

And in the end, that is how it is for foster children.  Regardless of the outcome of them becoming foster children, they will all fair a bit differently. They will all have been affected by the experience.

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